So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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