I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
