quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You pole danced in your parka.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
