she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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