my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
