Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
