Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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