He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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