are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
