My liver just broke up with me...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
