ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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