I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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