Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
