I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
