I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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