He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
