i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
