I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
