I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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