piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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