Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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