I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
