I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
