3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
