I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
