winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
