$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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