I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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