The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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