Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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