Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
