Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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