SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
