I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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