You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
