so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
