I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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