I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Life is so much better after having sex.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
