shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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