I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
