also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
