dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
