I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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