I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
