You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
