I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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