You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
