Christians are straight up FREAKS
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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