i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
