Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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