Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
