I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
