I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
